im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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