dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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