Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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