Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm too high and old for this...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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