I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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