im having a threesome with these popsicles
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize