everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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