After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
