tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
