her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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