Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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