I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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