i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize