smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
