Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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