you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I am available for nakedness
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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