PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
