my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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