what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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