I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
