I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
