Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize