OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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