i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
