While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
