you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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