after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
