Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
