I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
