Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
