There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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