Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
