In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize