used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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