yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
