So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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