i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you didnt know i had herpes?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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