I want to stick my p in your. b.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
