youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just saw a hot homeless man
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
