turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
