First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize