He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
