i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
