apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
