oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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