i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
