There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
