actually, I'm a sock model
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
