Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Randomize
