i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
