is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
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