i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
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