she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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