Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
