he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
