My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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