That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
