You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
