I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Boobs are out for the taking
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
