She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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