yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
