There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
