You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
