I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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