I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
