oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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