Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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