When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
