Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
