We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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