there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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