forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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