my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
