Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
