Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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