he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
