Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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