It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
