I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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