Already got asked if we're dating
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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