Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize