I have demons in me.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
