My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I supernannyed him into submission
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize