Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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