I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
