I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
