stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
