his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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