We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
