Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize