I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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