Whatcha textin bout Willis?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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